"I dah tak nak menyusahkan my parents. Or my boyfriend. I nak try independent, atas dua kaki sendiri."
                                                                                                                                                    awa

should be inspiring right? or at the very least touching.

if only i could know for sure that she's not misguided about the whole thing.

she sees herself as having burdened off her 'loved ones' all this while, citing several examples of her used to being this whiny little bitch who wants mummy and daddy to get everything on her feet now and not a millisecond later. also of her boyfriend had in the course of their relationship, supported her life in a way.

you know, that's hella confusing. it really is.

how is it that when people close to you, family even being there when you need them could be seen in the light of you having put a weight on their shoulders, you feel you're not just troubling them, that this is not the way it should be? and you gottta put a stop to this. by trying to live by yourself, wearing a set of clothes fitted for independent people, leading a style of life that would flatter the outfit?

that's sheer ridiculousness.

my opinions when it comes to relationships, any kind of it, heavens know cannot be construed as reflective on anyone because honestly i hadn't been in close terms with that concept in quite a while. i cannot figure the head from tail of that thing you people indulges and glided in and out named 'relations'.

but i could still say that she is taking this in all the wrong ways.

aren't people who confessed to care for you would want to provide the things that would put a smile on your face, swat away the frowns from your forehead and not allow your tears to hit the ground? a moment of worry must be that, only a moment.

when they parcel away gifts, or help whenever they're needed, i call that demonstrating and proving their affections to you. and that you should be happy NOT guilty, or get it in your head that you're dragging them down, wearing their nerves.

damn you, that's the way it is.

granted, she sees things in black and white, she really could not see in any other way. it's annoying, how much of a simpleton someone could be, and how resolute they would be once they have hold on to a reflection that their handheld fogged-up mirror is showing them. when everybody knows letters are spelled backwards through them, images do too. so don't be fooled and think things are what the seem to be. they never are.

the trouble with her is that, she think all mirrors's surfaces's are clear and solid. again, the sceneries are fluid and constantly moving. make not mistake, the waters don't stay still for long. the currents that shape life will be in constant motion, no matter how long that moment have stretched on for. it will end, and things will move.

i know that. to suspend yourself in the present or to transplant yourself in the past will not work. nor does spending your time fantasising of a better, shining future.

because time is nothing but seconds flitting past us, sneaky and unnoticeable.