disenchantment.

I guess you can call it that.

not very unlike detachment really.

shaken. chills and trembling. i feel frozen. couldn't even muster a smile. no, this doesn't happen. i don't know them, only very vague pictures. that history is not mine. i have disowned it. and them. all of them characters of a charade, the part of me, i have long relinquished. damn them all to hell. do they think, figure they can waltz over, shake hands, smile and cordially conserve, and all that happens in the past can easily be put aside, and they be forgiven. they do not deserve it. apologies they haven't even made!

it's over now. i have forgotten. and i will not be made, hell voluntarily remember. those are not fond memories. no flowers in a garden, no picnic on boats.

i'm done.

they have no hold on me. i will not allow it.

it's alright now. they were here on a mistake. to see a 'friend' of theirs on a visit., not me, never me.

i do not recognize them, we have no relations. nothing, NOTHING on earth that could tie me them or vice versa.
 
whatever illusions they entertain, i refuse to corroborate them.

fuck, why i am even asserting all these. its no big deal, a misunderstanding that should not concern me. if they want to stay deluded then let them , i am not participating.

it's okay, it's over. and it will stay that way.

write.

1 word.5 simple letters.

I could not do it.

put anything past the temporal snatches that flits over my mind. draw something out of a barrier that insist so badly on being retained. a sheet of white. a screen, a veil. muffles me.

I am silenced now.

take me, drown, torture me, this blankness i cannot hold. it clings so tightly to me, too close, so close i suffocate.

breath, i need breath. air, now. air,air, air.

chest tight, can't see.

scream, i have to scream. yell it, holler and yawp.

this husk wants filling, this corpse wants revival, the skin desires polishing.