Hopeless Romantic. Grounded Realist. Jaded Cynic.
i can't do this to her.
treating her with cold silence.
she doesn't deserve this.
for Goodness sake, she's my best friend!
or at least, we thought we are.
she sent me so many tentative SMS's and i didn't deign to respond even once.
i can't because i dont feel like doing it. dont feel like keeping in touch with her.
there, that's out.
truth be told, she no longer matters anymore. being at least perfunctorily polite to her.
God, why do i keep doing this to myself?
why do i insist on driving everyone away?
three times with three people.
Asma, Matt and Hazwani.
i hurt all of them, and i won't have the chance to say "I'm Sorry."
i get that its the instict for self-preservation, the part that insist on keeping a distance and desist any opening up on my part.
on not getting close.
i have been hurt by so many people and so many times and i guess the reaction is only understanble, to be expected of me but these people are truly innocent.
and it will happen again in the future. there is no doubt 'bout it.
i must confront her and come clean.
she deserve, entitled to an honest and frank explanation.
she, all of them must be made to understand that they deserve a friend that can bring joy and happiness to their lives.
and i can't, no, won't be that kind of person.
i will only pained, hurt and wound them.
im too broken and damaged to be anybody's friend.
so for your own good, stay way from me.
what have they done to me dear God?
