human nature. not personality or character. but the innate sense of the self.

that is what determines our shapes and shades. the core of somebody.

this is what me must look for and divine upon meeting someone in order to know them. really know them.

prejudices and assumptions that comes with race or region, stereotypes of skin colour and religion. all of these can be put aside, layers peeled and laid aside, for they are merely surfaces.

to move forward with proper modes of conduct befitting a social setting, we need merely the shawls and coverings.

to reveal and see with clarity one's skin, the textures and hues, that is the true mark of  familiarity.

and this is where i stumble most of the time.

i do not posses the skill acquired by most people when they're in the sandboxes in playgrounds, the people's skill. still don't.

i try to make up for this by preparing way ahead of a social situation.

i create imaginary scenarios, with varying and flexible plots and casts. and hope to hell, by all the gods that if not the reality matches the rehearsal, at least it doesn't fall that far off.

well, it seems to work quite fine lately.

i'm getting better at sizing people up.

i just need to make sure i'm in my head all the time though.

i don't think anyone could actually lay claim on being the expert on this subject. because nobody can possibly traverse the whole of earth and cross time, father time being fictional and him being tied to a clock and that without him, the whole concept of life will be thrown into question and a reorganisation of everything will have to be prompted.

gee, can i digress.

anyhow, i'm still putting off on actually making a move in settling for a decision.

there's just too many things to be figured out and considered. and i'm a gemini, i'm notorious for indecision goddammit.

so....

i'll do what i always do, or ends up doing.

wait and see.

more like, impulse action according to the moment's hunch.

and regret everything afterwards, then putting blame on my being spontaneous.

like that is gonna help anything. or myself.

hell, the future's uncertain and guarantee is not given, so why bother?

lets live life for NOW.

if only i could hold on to this exclusively, and not entertain contradictory views.

be damned, i am thinkin a wee bit too much, aye?